Trailblazing gay UK comedian James Barr makes his Melbourne debut with a bold, “genre-defying” (ArtsHub) hour of stand-up. A darkly hilarious reckoning with shame, survival and a pushy-wushy down the stairsy-wairsy.
Read on to get James’ take on his show, his audience and his long-term goal to play MICF
How would you describe your show to someone who knows very little about it?
I’m a stand-up comedian and for a long time I did dick jokes. Then I went through something that changed me, and now I do trauma. And that’s fine, Beyoncé is doing country.
I found myself in love with a violent man, and once I found the strength to leave that relationship, I had a choice to make. I could keep doing the same material, or I could go deeper.
I realised that nobody was talking about domestic abuse in a way that felt relatable to me. I didn’t recognise myself in the language around it, and I didn’t see stories that reflected how confusing, funny, messy and human it can feel while you’re still inside it.
What makes it stand out and why should people see it?
It’s the show I needed. The show I wish I’d seen. A stand-up hour that might have helped me recognise what was happening sooner or leave a little earlier.
It’s a comedy show about domestic abuse that never feels traumatic. It’s funny, warm, and human. It pours light onto something that’s usually hidden in darkness. I’m giving the shame back. Everyone needs to see this show. It’s saved people. It’s helped people understand how to be in healthier relationships.
How long was the process from idea to writing to stage? Any challenges along the way?
I genuinely wasn’t sure I could make this show at first. The turning point came about six months after the relationship ended, when my ex went Instagram-official with someone new. In that moment, I realised that someone had to take accountability and if no one else was going to, I would.
I started writing the show with friends and performing early versions to close friends and family. I then took it to Edinburgh three times, rewriting and refining it each year. I’ve now performed different iterations of the show over a hundred times, each version bringing more clarity, confidence, and control.
How has the telling of your story helped to heal you and what would you like others to know?
Telling this story helped me take my power back. Abuse thrives in silence and confusion, and putting it into words, especially funny ones, gave me clarity and control. What I’d like others to know is that you don’t have to wait until something feels “bad enough” to leave. If something doesn’t feel right, that’s already reason enough.
How would you describe your relationship with the audience and what do you love the most about live performance?
The relationship with the audience feels incredibly close. I talk to them like friends. We’re at brunch and I’m telling them something horrific, but we’re three mimosas deep so we’re also laughing. There’s a lot of trust in the room, and once that’s established, we can go anywhere together. What I love most about live performance is that shared moment of recognition when people laugh, then go quiet, then laugh again because they’ve seen themselves in it.
Who would you say have been your biggest inspirations?
I’m inspired by comedians who can balance big laughs with honesty and vulnerability. Hannah Gadsby’s Nanette gave me permission to open doors I previously felt comedy should avoid. I took big inspiration from Tig Nataro’s special ‘Hello, I have cancer’ too.
What are three things that would surprise people to learn about you?
– Ed Sheeran sent me a giant diamante penis. It’s by my TV. I can send you a dick pic?
– I once hung up on Adele during a zoom call interview.
– I have an unhealthy obsession with buying fake Labubus.
What are you looking forward to the most about appearing at MICF?
I’ve wanted to play MICF for years! It’s much harder for an international show to get in the programme, it feels like a huge endorsement of the show to be here. I’m massively proud of myself and I love Melbourne. I can’t wait to hang out with the audience at the bar after.
Finally, what would you like audiences to take away from the show?
I want audiences to remember that having a romantic partner isn’t the most important thing in your life. You don’t need to be treated badly just because you think you’ve found “the one.” Maybe you already are “the one”.
Nominee for Best Show at the ISH Edinburgh Comedy Awards, NextUp’s Biggest Award in Comedy and the Queer Performers Award at the 2025 Edinburgh Fringe, Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum) was also named one of the best reviewed shows of Edinburgh Fringe.
March 26 – 31
https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/browse-shows/james-barr-sorry-i-hurt-your-son-said-my-ex-to-my-mum/
